It is the anniversary of the most infamous shipwreck in the world’s history! Way before we were introduced to the homeless drifting artist, Jack Dawson, and the “cruise ship whore” Rose, the “unsinkable” ship, the Titanic, hit an iceberg on the freezing night of April 14th, 1912.
114 years later, we still recognize the 14th and 15th as the night that tragedy struck. As time goes on and the ship lies eerily peaceful at the bottom of the Atlantic, we can only imagine what something like this would look like today. How would people act and react to the possible footage and coverage of the tragic event?
What if the Titanic Sank in 2026?
In today’s world, the Titanic would most likely be a cruise ship setting sail out of Europe on its way to the United States. Imagine having a few days to lounge around the ship’s heated pool with the kiddies, maybe doggy paddling up to the swim-up bar to get your next drink! Life couldn’t get any better!
After telling the kiddos that they have had enough screentime, it’s time for them to go to bed. You tuck them in, kiss them on the forehead, wish them good night, and you’ll see them early tomorrow for another day of activities. You and your wife decide to put on your “Sunday’s best” outfit and head to the top deck casino.
After a few hours of betting on red and black at the Roulette table and accusing the Blackjack dealer of removing aces from the deck, you decide you’ll cut your losses at the “shady” casino. As you cuss out the Pit Boss and finish your frozen strawberry Daiquiri, you start heading back to your cabin.
All of a sudden, you feel the ship rock unexpectedly. You’ve had a few drinks, so you aren’t quite sure if it’s the liquor or the mighty Atlantic that made you stumble. Then you see big chunks of ice on the deck. You ask a staff member if a bartender or guest had one too many as you joke about what just happened.
As the passengers crowd around the broken ice, they start to pick up the pieces for their social media clout! Facebook, Instagram, and X feeds fill up with selfies (hashtag “iced out on the Titanic”). An alarm hits everyone’s iPhone and Android. The captain places the ship under a state of emergency!
Parents tell their kids to grab as many of their valuable belongings as they can. Little Dylan grabs his Nintendo Switch, and Halie makes sure she has her Beats so she can listen to her “Pink Pony Club” over and over again. Mom and Dad grab all the chargers, the phones, their purse, and their wallet.
People rush to the lifeboats, knowing that the “unsinkable” ship is in trouble. With everyone having a recording device in their hands, we see the chaos of passengers pushing and shoving each other out of the way. Twitch streamers check in with their viewers, not knowing the severity of the situation.
The crew calls for all women and children! This starts a riot for equality. Some men are p***** that they are being treated as second-hand citizens. The trans passengers are also confusing the staff. Do they treat them as women? They weren’t trained on “woke” protocols!
As lifeboats are barely filling up, the ship is going down slowly, and you start to see a sea of what looks like fireflies. The water is filling up with passengers with their cell phone flashlights on. Instead of trying to survive, they take pictures of the ship to get one more viral tweet out (hashtag “it’s going down y’all”).
Titanic starts trending on all social media platforms. We see in real time this beautiful, big cruise ship sinking in the unforgiving Atlantic. We see posts like “praying for the families,” “Titanic (with a prayer emoji),” and “can’t believe what we’re witnessing.”
But then we get the other side of the Internet. You guys already know the cruelness of the Meta world. As many heartfelt comments as there are, there are probably twice as many trolls. “Captain Edward Smith more like Cap’N Crunch,” “The Titanic doing the ‘ice challenge,'” and “maybe the lookout should’ve got his eyes checked (hashtag iceberg 1, Titanic 0).
As survivors row away from the ocean graveyard, some try to check their cell signal. If they can get a bar or two, since AT&T has more bars in more places, they contact their loved ones, telling them they are ok. As they go on social media, they see selfies of some of the passengers trying to survive in the freezing cold water (hashtag “freezing my balls off”), and they realize how lucky they were to be alive.
Final Thoughts
On this anniversary one of the biggest tragedies in modern history, I hope you enjoyed this satirical piece. If the Titanic sank today, we could have live updates from all the idiots focusing on posting it on social media. Hopefully, for those who survive, they have a bag of rice to stick that phone in, to fix that water damage! Unfortunately, not all the duck-faced, Snapchat-filtered posts made it to the platform for the world to see.
Point of Vision 
Leave a comment