It’s here! Can you believe it’s already May 5th? That’s right, it is Cinco De Mayo! And if you’re like me or any other basic person who likes to adopt other cultures outside of your own, then you are probably jumping out of your chair higher than a luachador at TripleMania.
Of course, I am kidding, sort of. Anyways, most people have no clue why on Earth we celebrate five the Mayo, and that’s ok. Most may just use it for an excuse to drink and eat some delicious Mexican dishes. If you are in the spirit of the holiday, here is the ultimate guide to make sure you don’t find a worm in your tequila. Go grab your sombrero, we’re going on a donkey ride!
Tacos, Tequila, and Burritos Oh My Cinco De Mayo
What starts the perfect Cinco De Mayo? You may be thinking of the chips and salsa. Although chips and salsa are a very key component of the Mexican-American experience, before we get to the table, we need to get to the restaurant! Like any other event, we need to pregame!
On the way to el restaurante, we need to pump up the jams! Open your Spotify app, and get some Selena Y Los Dinos bumping or La Cucaracha going in the car. If you’re going to be Mexican for the day, you must commit. This includes looking like the cheesy family from We’re the Millers with your sombreros and maracas in hand.
Now that your Mexican spirits are up, we have to choose the place. As much as I love Taco Bell, we need to upgrade our food choices in honor of the day. Hopefully, you can find some authentic Mexican food in your area and don’t have to settle for a chain, but if not, we understand.
As you’re enjoying your free and hopefully fresh chips and salsa, order one of those jumbo margaritas! Whether you like the traditional or a special flavor, sugar or salt rim, frozen or on the rocks, it’s time to get our drink on! I personally prefer a strawberry margarita, on the rocks, with no rim, but I am not here to judge.
Once you start feeling the buzz of the “TeKillYa,” it’s time to order some food! To me, the key to a great Mexican restaurant comes down to salsa and ground beef! If the salsa is fresh and spicy and the ground beef is seasoned correctly, we have ourselves a winner!
Now what to order? Decisions, decisions. Do you go with that ultimate nacho with everything pouring down the sides like one of those science class volcanoes? Or do you go with some enchiladas with a red sauce, or are you like my girlfriend, who loves the verde? Maybe you play it safe with a chicken or cheese ‘dilla? Or do you challenge Joey Chestnut on how many tacos you can eat in one sitting? I mean, it is “Taco Tuesday,” isn’t it?
After a delicious Mexican meal, what’s next? You keep on drinking those Jose Cuervo-filled margaritas until you make a fool out of yourself. Put that big ass sombrero on your head, request the song “Tequila” from the jukebox, clear the bar off, and start dancing like Pee-Wee Herman!
Final Thoughts
When you’re done dancing like the “Hermanator” from either losing your balance and falling off the bar, getting kicked out, or throwing up, you can have a nice Uber driver drop you off! If this doesn’t seem like a blast, you can also get a piñata of your enemy’s face and beat it with a stick like Pedro did in Napoleon Dynamite. I don’t recommend that, but who am I to tell anyone how to have fun! So go on, jump in your lowrider and celebrate your inner Mexican heritage before they build that wall!
Point of Vision 
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