A List of the Best Brians in History!

It seems like a month ago that we compiled a list of the greatest Daves in the history of mankind. Oh, wait, it was a month ago since we did that. Well, similar to March 14th, April 10th is the day that another best friend was born. Some people would consider us a trio, others may think he’s our younger brother, and a few may think he’s the intern of Martech.

Even though we call him B instead of Brian, we didn’t want to make a list where it was only Beyoncé and Bumble to be on the list. So we looked deeper to come up with the “best Brians in history!” Did your favorite make the list? Or did they drown in a pool full of “B-Ri’s?” Note, we also don’t support the Bryans, get the “Y” outta here!

5 Best Brians

5) Brian Cranston

How can you make a list of Brians without adding one of the greatest dads in TV history? From an annoying neighbor selling water filters in a pyramid scheme next door to Doug Heffernan in King of Queens to being Malcolm’s dad, Hal, when he was “in the middle,” Cranston is one of the best.

If you’re not a sitcom fan, maybe one of the greatest shows ever made will tickle your fancy. Cranston shocked everyone with his strong role as Walter White in Breaking Bad. The cancer patient turned meth dealer had everyone on the edge of their seats from the opening scene. For those reasons alone, Cranston makes the list.

4) Brian Scalabrine

Many people might not know who the “White Mamba” is, but the giant ginger made quite the impression on Detroit Pistons fans. Scalabrine had a damn near perfect night in Game 5 of the 2004 Eastern Conference Finals against Detroit. Coming off the bench to go 6 for 7 from the field, including 4 for 4 from three.

The performance sent Nets fans home happy and Pistons fans home asking who the hell was this giant “French fry with ketchup?” Detroit won the series in 7 after the triple overtime game 5. Although Scalabrine only averaged 3.1 points a game in his career, he had one hell of a game for the Nets in the ’04 playoffs.

3) Brian McKnight

For the longest time, I thought Brian McKnight was a “one-hit wonder,” but I was wrong. Even though I still don’t know any of his other songs, “Back at One” is strong enough to make him our number three, Brian. One, he is our dream come true. Two, it makes us want to be with you. Three, McKnight, it is plain to see that you made the list for me.

Supposedly four, though not mentioned by name in the song, is to repeat steps one through three, which seems like a copout, but anyways. And finally five, he made us all fall in love with him. If you ever think it’s done, then you start back at one. That seems like a lot of work, so I’ll pass, but it is there.

2) Brian Johnson

There must be a million “Brian Johnsons” in the world. Well, the one we were looking for may have some weed stuffed down his pants. The nerd from Breakfast Club, played by Anthony Michael Hall, makes the list. A straight-A student who failed shop class because he couldn’t get an elephant lamp to turn on, and brought a flare gun to school, might be someone to have on your side.

Nerds may not be your thing, maybe you’re the jock, or the pretty princess, but having a nerd who is willing to hide your stash, smoke you out, and write your paper for you could have its benefits. Even if it’s just detention for one Saturday or two months like Bender, this Brian Johnson is ok with us.

1) Brian Griffin

Was the article image a spoiler? Can you name a better Brian than Griffin? He drinks, smokes pot, writes, and is best friends with a baby! How can you get much better than that? He has interspecies relationships, and he’s also progressive by hooking up accidentally with Quagmire’s dad mom.

One half of “Red Shirt, Blue Shirt” deserves to be number one on the list after almost 30 years on air. We saw the outrage after he died, and miraculously, he came back due to some time-traveling antics. That’s how much we love the best of man’s best friend. We hope we get plenty more dog years out of this, Brian, and hope to see him in the Stewie spinoff.

Final Thoughts

We hope you enjoyed the list of the best Brian’s in history. Hopefully, your personal favorite Brian doesn’t move hours away from you. If he did, make sure that if he ever comes to visit you, force him to sleep on an air mattress as your dad blows cigarette smoke in his face while he sleeps. Fortunately for you, your Brian probably doesn’t treat you like yesterday’s news. Anyways happy birthday, B!